Tag Archives: Toyota

Next Citroen C1 Won’t Look Like A Skull Anymore

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By Tim Smith

Have you ever noticed that ‘facelifted’ cars tend to look worse than the original design? Witness the Renault Megane, once plain but handsome, it  now appears to have put a funny mask on.

Renault-Megane-Hatchback

Before

 

After

After

Similarly, the once cute little Citroen C1 appears to have had its nose ripped off leaving it somewhat reminisent of a skull. I jape you not. Just look at one next time it flies by on a magic carpet of demon dust. You will not be able to unsee that. No way.

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I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL

But now there is good news. Citroen have released official pictures and details of the new C1. And it doesn’t look like a skull anymore. In fact, it looks rather good.

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I have no idea what ‘driving, refined’ means

Citroen say it will be available in three body styles: 3 and 5 door and an ‘Airscape’ open-top. Expect that one to have a roll back roof similar to the Fiat 500.

They also say it will weigh 840kg. So that’s efficiency, and hopefully a spritely drive taken care of.

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Nope, still no idea

 

Having driven the last generation 107 (identical to the C1 except for the badge), I can confidently say it was a rather good little machine with a soulful 3-cylinder motor. I liked it. Citroen/Peugeot/Toyota should get rid of the old power steering pump, though. ‘Feel’ was replaced by the sensation that you were stirring PVA glue like you did when you were 5. Right before you would coat your fingers in it then have the pleasure of peeling it off like a second skin. Don’t look at me like that. You did it too.

As before it will be tripleted with Peugeot and Toyota versions built in the same factory.

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Fiat By Brian Blessed

Special editions. Who needs em, eh? They’re all Laser this or By Gucci that.

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Well, as it turns out we all need them. Or, at least those of you who are considering a freshly constructed Fiat Panda 4×4.

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For a quoted £14,895 OTR you can get a Panda 4×4 with, from what I can see from Fiat’s online configurator, options that should take it up to about £15,100 OTR. Interested? Well, unless that penguin sticker is a delete option I may just wait until there’s another special edition, or better yet, haggle.

But what, say you, are the alternatives?

Well, I have a plan, based on basically no sense whatsoever apart from the aching desire to drive something with caterpillar tracks.

First, we buy this Toyota Lucida. It has 4WD and a massive amount of room. Also, like the advert says, it is a ‘quality car at an affordable price(s)’. That’s all the convincing I need.

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Next, we buy a TrackNGo Wheel Driven Track System. Theyre $25,000, but in GPB that’s about 15 grand.

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Then, we get Brian Blessed/Prince Vultan and his winged warriors to fly the tracks over the Atlantic. I’d bet he’d laugh in the big fat face of such a task, after all he’s Brian Blessed/Prince Vultan. I reckon he may even do it for free.

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But let’s say he doesn’t. I’ll flip him a twenty, enough for him and three of his winged warriors to get a coffee and sausage roll from Greggs, and have change.

Finally, for just a bit more than owning a brand new Fiat Panda 4×4 Antartica with penguin decals and £205 worth of free kit we get a huge, probably unreliable Toyota with go anywhere ability.

I think I’ve made my case clear.

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22/01/2014 · 15:25

Non-Avensis

‘Stephen!’
‘James.’


‘Hullo Margaret, mmwa.’
‘Susan… How was the trip?’
‘Oh, was fi’..
‘T’was okay, bit of traffic ‘round Birmingham.’
‘Yes, I had heard that there were a few problem areas on the radio this morning.’


‘I dunno, local bloody council is always digging up the road for something. No wonder the economy is suffering so much, nobody can get anywhere’…(Chortles to himself then thrusts his hands into his pockets and begins jangling some loose change around)
(The wives’ sing-song chatter fades as they walk inside)
‘Did you need to stop?’
‘Oh yes. We stopped at Shaftscombe services. Bloody expensive place. Captive audience. No choice. All there was, was over-priced sandwiches, a bloody Costa coffee and a McDonalds, ‘course, when I got to the front of the queue I couldn’t understand a word the girl was sayin’. Even saw some woman on a prayer mat or whatever the bloody things are. I’m not racist, but well, you know the rest. Can’t say anything these days, bloody thought police.’
(Grumbles agreement, thrusts hands into pockets and starts jangling loose change around)


‘I dunno, I suppose at least they’re working, but you come over here and you respect the local culture. We respect their laws when we go over there. I’d see the whole map painted pink again if I could.’
‘Do you know, I was just yesterday saying the same thing to Ian at the Golf club. You know, when Margaret and myself go to France, we take a phrase book with us.’
‘Heh, course when me and Susan went to Abu-Dhabi, they all spoke English anyway.’ (Laughs)
(Laughs)… ‘So how’s the new car?’


‘Yeah, yeah, well it’s all you need, isn’t it. Got air-con and sat-nav, it’s comfortable and quicker than you’ll ever need. Do you know the readout told me I was getting forty-eight miles-per-gallon on the way here?’
‘Wow, that’s quite impressive, especially with today’s fuel prices.’
‘Well, yes’…


‘Look’s like it might rain again. Shall we go inside?’
‘Good idea. I hope someone’s put the kettle on.’ (Winks)
‘No doubt Margaret has taken care, oh, I almost forgot. I bought a new washing machine the other day. Come in and have a look. It has a digital read-out that shows you how much power it’s saving.’
‘Goodness’…

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