By Tim Smith
Last night as I closed my eye shutters and drifted off to the ol’ dreamland (where stuff happens in public with no pants on and that TVR I thought I was driving had turned into a bike and I’m somehow lost in a garden centre) something of the YouTube vids I’d watched must have lodged in the ol’ mind grapes because I dreamed that wheel/pen smiths Sutcliffe and Meaden were having dinner with me.
It was Meaden’s birthday and we were all out in Clifton sipping wine and exchanging anecdotes. We had a capital time.
I told ’em all about how I had trouble telling the difference between them when I first discovered Autocar and Evo had YouTube channels. They took it well.
The real reason we’re here is to put three Ferrari The Ferrari videos in one place.
First up is Top Gear Magazine’s. It’s a tease, this one . All noise and zooming about.
Next up is Sutcliffe. He does get rather excited:
Last is Meaden. If anything, he seems a little underwhelmed. Perhaps he’s just had some bad news or something. Either way, one of the most interesting things about the video is that you can actually watch him learn the limits of the car. As the video moves on you can watch him hold onto the gears longer, squeeze the big Ferrari a bit harder. Coupled with his dry delivery it makes for an interesting contrast:
Now, I believe that’s all of today’s Ferrari taken care of.
Google Streetview has added the Top Gear test track to its, erm, streetview.
The track can now be searched, and you, the hero of the story inside of your head, can now follow The Stig as he drives around the track, sometimes with all smoke coming off the tyres.
More importantly, The BBC has confirmed that Jeremy Clarkson, Richard The Hamster Hammond (who’s not a real hamster) and James May will be returning to BBC Two on Sunday the second of February. That happens to clash with my works Christmas do (Christmas isn’t really a thing to be celebrated in the restaurant trade), so no, we can’t watch it together. But, if you ask nicely, we can sit down with a bottle of wine the following week and kiss and make up in front of three idiots who will probably say something homo/xenophobic at some point.
Top Gear was, as I remember, shown on Thursdays at 8:30. I would get all washed up and into my jim-jams so that I could go beddy-byes as soon as it was finished.
How could I have ever known that a mere twenty years later I would be able to gorge myself on whatever I’d missed back then because of homework/saying a bad word or just generally being a bit of a hyper shit.
Just remember, these were the days when quite a lot of people thought Jasper Carrot was funny. Suitably, there is a clip of him being ‘funny’ within this video. He’s on between 3:15-3:33. There, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.
Even within the Kingdom of the Professionals there is no such abstraction as objectivity. We are all built upon our cultural presets and experiential resets.
My name is Tim Smith. I am a white, middle class, heterosexual male. I was grown in the Cotswolds. My accent is neutral middle England. I find I like to walk fast.
We cannot get very far into machine culture without mentioning Top Gear.
My favourite machine is neither real nor possible.
In my note-book this proposition is crossed out.
Our ideas of what we like in a machine are as much informed by its aesthetic as of its actual substance.
I will always remember the sound generated by the fuel injection pump on my Father’s Audi Coupe.
At school, in Tetbury, our German teacher was a Rugby man. All of his metaphors involved teams or games or pitches. I frequently use technology as a metaphor. I am comfortable with this.
All of the machines I own are on a five-year cycle. Until recycling techniques become truly worth it and our machines are truly efficient I will avoid buying anything new.
This part is here because it seemed right to have ten propositions.
This part is here because sometimes we like to turn it up to eleven. Touches like this give a machine or technology its character. Go to the BBC iPlayer. Choose a programme. Adjust the volume. See what I mean?