Tag Archives: Porsche

Steve Sutcliffe Loves The New Cayman GTS. Yes. He. Does.

By Tim Smith

I love driving. You love driving. It’s why you’re here.

I think I love driving more than almost anything else. Except the obvious, of course. That’s like like comparing, well, the obvious with driving. They’re just different, but I love them both very much.

Steven ‘Steve’ Stutcliffe likes the Cayman GTS very much, thank you very much. I think he likes it more than anything else. And you know what? I’m just well jel.

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I’ve Just Found Something New To Feel Excited About

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By Tim Smith

Cars International is a business built around restoring, maintaining, and supplying high performance road and racing cars.

Go check out the website. My current favourite is the 914/6 GT they have for sale.

There's a 2.7 911 flat six back there.

There’s a 2.7 911 flat-six back there.

It really is a thing of rare brilliance. Something small with a big heart.

Of main interest, though is the Jordan Grand Prix team sale they are currently handling. Included among the trophies (although quite why you’d want someone else’s trophy, I’m unable to understand) is the first Jordan F1 car built, chassis no. 01.

A couple of cars and someone else's trophies.

A couple of cars and someone else’s trophies.

A former partner to a certain M.Schumacher, this car comes with the former champion’s helmet, signed by the man himself.

Schumacher wos 'ere.

Schumacher wos ‘ere.

Also included in the sale is the first grand Prix winning Jordan, chassis no. 198. Driven to victory by Damon Hill in the 1998 Belgian GP, it features the rather excellent bee-livery.

Damon Hill did actually win. Sometimes.

Damon Hill did actually win. Sometimes.

You can find the sale on the Cars International website (link imbedded at the top of the article, and, for that matter, here) and all proceeds from the auction will go to CLIC sergeant, or the Amber Foundation.

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It’s What Ron Dennis Would’ve Wanted.

The McLaren Position One looks great. iPhone’s are great. Why not join the two?

For reasons only known to science, someone, somewhere within McLaren has made an app that we can all download.

So, First things first, download the app. Once done and started up it kindly asks you to print a picture for the app to recognise.

With that done I tried it out. Holy Moly, Mother of Cheese, this is cool. I promptly took the clothes off of the million pound made up car  that wasn’t actually sat on top of my printer.

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By moving the phone closer you can peer at the parts of the car like they are actually there. I was impressed. See those little white circles? They give tech info on the car, like what kind of tyres it has and what the engine does and stuff.

Then I thought ‘What Scandalous Behaviour! I should put all of the cars clothes back on this instant!’ So I did:

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Then I was all like, ‘I should go on a walk and have the Position One celebrate all the things that Ron Dennis would want’.

First up was seeing a ten-year-old Renault Clio. Now, Renault have been doing Formula One on ol’ Ronny for some time, now. They power the Red Bull cars that keep making McLaren look a little on the bad side. So I placed the Position One on the Clio’s bonnet and declared it in the name of Ron Dennis. McLaren, One, ten-year-old Renault Clio, Nil.

ImageI then walked a little bit up the street and saw a badly parked Kia Carens. ‘I bet Ron doesn’t like a badly parked Kia Carens’, I thought. So I parked the McLaren position One on the back of the offending Kia. ‘Owned!’ I thought, as I quietly fist pumped the air in my imagination.

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Walking a bit further on I passed a Mercedes E63 AMG. ‘I’ll bet Ron hates Mercedes, now that they’re doing some Formula One on him’, I thought. ‘I know, I’ll get one over those buggers by putting a McLaren Position One on the bonnet.’

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Anyway, after all that faffing around sticking pieces of paper on peoples cars then running away, I thought I should go and get a coffee. I bet Ron Dennis likes coffee, so I made the McLaren Position One naked in the coffee shop.

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The coffee was really great. After that I thought I should go and declare a book in the name of Ron Dennis. Popping next door to the local library, what should present itself, but a fresh copy of  No Angel: The Secret Life Of Bernie Ecclestone by Tom Bower. ‘The McLaren Position One should bloody-well drive all over this’, I thought. So it bloody-well did.

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Next I wondered what Ron Dennis would like to eat. I realised almost instantly that what he probably doesn’t like is noodles. ‘I bet he hates those little errant strings of Chinese egg based products’, I successfully thought to myself. Gathering all of my by-proxy hate I marched into the local Co-op and prompty drove the Position One all over some reasonably priced dried noodles.

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Doing this, I felt my work was almost done, but then I remembered that living near the world’s first suspension bridge constructed by a bloke in the 19th century and hailed by nationalists the country over as something we should all feel proud of was something Ron Dennis would probably like. Braving the windy conditions I made the McLaren Position One’s presence not felt on this engineering classic.

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I felt restless, though. How can I truly honour Ron’s achievements and push for the perfection he would want? ‘I know’, I thought. ‘I’ll get a massive shot of the whole bridge, it’s what Ron Dennis would want.’

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I felt like my work was done, and began the long walk home, when I suddenly spotted a Porsche. ‘Those buggers are going to make a mid-engined MP4 rival soon’, I thought. ‘I’d better get some ownage in before it’s too late.’

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Now my work is surely complete. It is what Ron dennis would have wanted.

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Half Rice, Half Chips.

I like Beef Stroganoff. The restaurant I work for makes Beef Stroganoff. The Porsche 911 is like Beef Stroganoff.

Actually, it’s nothing like Beef Stroganoff, but if I were to sit down at my place of work and order Beef Stroganoff, I’d have a side of chips. The Beef Stroganoff the restaurant I work for sells already comes with rice, but because I’m a crazy Mother Humper I’d have chips aswell. It makes the meal heavier, saltier and probably less refined, but what the hey, I want rice and chips.

Ladies and gentlemen, The Porsche 911 Targa:

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Best Motoring

Best Motoring is a Japanese car show. The Ferrari F50 makes an amazing noise. This is what happens when you race it against a F355, an F40, a Diablo SV and some Porsches. Around Suzuka. That is all.
Enjoy.

2 Comments

27/08/2013 · 17:46

Urban Inlaw

First, and before we commence, I invite you to watch the linked video. It is fairly important to the points I am going to write for you.

Urban Outlaw came to prominance sometime last year, featuring heavily across the online motoring press. I was deeply impressed with it, I showed it to anyone who had the time to spend. All seemed impressed, all that is, until, one Tuesday evening, having consumed a bottle of wine and several Guinness between us, I  showed it to friend and sometimes mentor, Dr Martin Randall. His hostile reaction to the piece was surprising.

I thought on this for months, tried to write about it, failed. Weeks went on, I put on a bit of weight, work got hard for a bit, then easier, I broke up with a girlfriend, started running again, gave it up when it got too hot, made plans to move to Bristol, got drunk a little too much and started saving in earnest for a new car. Life, as it is, went on. Then, two weeks ago, while wading through David Foster-Wallace’s The Pale King I came across a chapter (sub-section) where three tax inspectors are stuck in a lift. One of them is trying to make a point about ‘civics’, about the relationship between citizen and society. His point peeks when he concludes with how he thinks consumerism will play out:

‘No, you’re missing the genius of it. It’ll all be played out in the world of images. they’ll be this incredible political consencus that we need to escape the confinement and rigidity of conforming, of the dead flourecent world of the office and the balance sheet, of having to wear a tie and listen to Muzac, but the corperations will be able to represent consumption patterns as the way to break out – use this type of calculator, listen to this type of music, wear this type of shoe because everyone else is wearing conformist shoes. It’ll be this era of incredible prosperity and conformity and mass-demographics in which all the symbols and rhetoric will involve revolution and crisis and bold forward-looking individuals who dare to march to their own drummer by allying themselves with brands that invest heavily in the image of rebellion. This mass PR campaign extolling the individual will solidify enormous markets of people whose innate conviction that they are solitary, peerless, non-communal, will be massaged at every turn.'(1)

I have, as you may know from an earlier post, already written a draft of this VOTW. That draft contained a breakdown description of the themes and language used in Urban Outlaw that move towards the point made above. That draft is gone. I am not going to repeat that process. I believe, as conscious individuals situated within a chattering community you can make those connections for yourself.

As things go, it is often best to leave a point with a quote followed by some elipses:

‘There’s not a lot of bearded, dreadlocked, tattooed Porsche guys out there… it is part of the mystique, here’s this cool guy that looks like a rock and roll homeless dude that people are not really sure about, but hey, he’s got some pretty cool bitchin’ Porsches that he restores and races…'(2)

                                                                                                                                                     

1. Wallace, D.F (2012) The Pale King, 1st edLondon, Penguin Books, p148

2. Urban Outlaw (2012) Short Film, Directed by Tamir Moscovici, Toronto: MOS Media

 

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20/08/2013 · 15:22