Tag Archives: Citroen

Babies Make Championship Bid In Beginning Of Forth Month Press Release

By Tim Smith

The Pata Honda World Superbike team are currently testing the one-year-old product’s of Jonathan Rea’s and Leon Haslam’s testicles on their CBR1000RR SP racing superbikes.

Yes they are.

No, really, they are.

Uh, hu.

They are too.

See, there’s pictures and everything:

The one on the left appears to have hit the 'sauce'.

The one on the left appears to have hit the ‘sauce’.

There’s even quotes:

Leon Haslam – It’ll be interesting to see if young Max has got it. The ‘rocket’ that is, which is coincidentally what me and my dad have on our salad when it’s in season. I reckon he’ll be fast though –he’s got a bit of a weight advantage.

Jonathan Rea – Jake was born a month or two after Max but we’ve been weening him on Manx kippers to build up his strength. He had a wee go on my CRF450R motocrosser on the Isle of Man, so I had to clean up the seat after, but he’ll be right.

Look, they done a funny. Actually, the rocket bit is quite funny.

I just don't think the one on the right is really it.

The One on the right has Definitely shat his nappy.

And it’s not just the riders. There’s even a ‘Youth Development Manager’. Get your seeing gear ’round this quote:

Pieter Breddels -youth development manager – With world championship racers seemingly getting younger every year – just like policemen, really – we’ve decided that we need to start investing in youth. Jonathan’s father raced and won a TT and Leon’s dad was pretty handy, too, so it absolutely HAS to be a genetic thing. If it’s not, we’re going to look a bit silly, but the lads will have had some fun.

Heh, heh. ‘Just like policemen’.

Fair play. At least they didn’t break character, unlike Citroen, who, at the end of the press release for the  C4 Cactus Arsenal Edition, needed to point this out: ‘This light-hearted story was created to demonstrate the potential for personalisation of the New C4 Cactus’.



A light hearted story, earlier today.

IT’S A JOKE. GET IT? But also, buy a Citroen Cactus. We really need the money.







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This Citroen BX ‘Tribute’ Keeps Making Me Laugh


By Tim Smith

I have no idea what just happened in the last four and a bit minutes so I’ve decided to share my ‘experience’.

At the 2:08 mark it actually looks like this a BX is humping the road. Also, the soundtrack.


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27/02/2014 · 13:33

Next Citroen C1 Won’t Look Like A Skull Anymore



By Tim Smith

Have you ever noticed that ‘facelifted’ cars tend to look worse than the original design? Witness the Renault Megane, once plain but handsome, it  now appears to have put a funny mask on.






Similarly, the once cute little Citroen C1 appears to have had its nose ripped off leaving it somewhat reminisent of a skull. I jape you not. Just look at one next time it flies by on a magic carpet of demon dust. You will not be able to unsee that. No way.



But now there is good news. Citroen have released official pictures and details of the new C1. And it doesn’t look like a skull anymore. In fact, it looks rather good.


I have no idea what ‘driving, refined’ means

Citroen say it will be available in three body styles: 3 and 5 door and an ‘Airscape’ open-top. Expect that one to have a roll back roof similar to the Fiat 500.

They also say it will weigh 840kg. So that’s efficiency, and hopefully a spritely drive taken care of.


Nope, still no idea


Having driven the last generation 107 (identical to the C1 except for the badge), I can confidently say it was a rather good little machine with a soulful 3-cylinder motor. I liked it. Citroen/Peugeot/Toyota should get rid of the old power steering pump, though. ‘Feel’ was replaced by the sensation that you were stirring PVA glue like you did when you were 5. Right before you would coat your fingers in it then have the pleasure of peeling it off like a second skin. Don’t look at me like that. You did it too.

As before it will be tripleted with Peugeot and Toyota versions built in the same factory.

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