Monday Long Termer: 28/04/14′

I think something bad is happening to me. I think I might be falling out of love with the Corsa. There isn’t anything wrong with the car mechanically, in fact it is boosting very well and still drinks diesel like a gnat through a straw. However, ever since the unfortunate key scoring,the Corsa just looks so sorry for itself. I look at it now and can’t help but think it is beyond economical repair.

The damage caused during the reigns of previous users was bad enough- dented front arches, badly gouged side rail, drivers’ side rear door and rear three-quarter panel, severely scuffed wheel covers and abundant dings and minor dents dotted all over the place but the addition of four long, waving, bare metal scratches is just too much for me to handle.


As my emotional connection begins to detach from the Long Termer, I feel less respectful of it and less complimentary about its abilities. The negative feelings now outweigh the positive. I almost feel like I’m simply tolerating its presence, counting away the days until it is replaced by something shiny and new.

Sounds like the beginning of the end doesn’t it? Almost exactly how it transpires with most failing human relationships, in my experience. That may sound harsh but think about it for a minute.

Anyway, I think about the features and benefits (which all good sales people should focus on) that are missing (which bad salespeople probably focus on) and how their omission from the spec list mars the experience of owning it.

Isn’t it funny that I didn’t worry about these things before the scratches? I think this shows that, psychologically and possibly subconsciously, we predetermine an approximate limit to how many negative aspects we will tolerate before making a decision to terminate whatever arrangement or connection we have with that object, or person.

It seems that my predetermined limit has now been reached, thanks to the handy work of some probable plastic gangster with a penchant for infantile vandalism and general menace.


Now, in my mind at least, it is time for the Long Termer to be replaced by a newer model. I would take kindly to choosing its successor myself. I would even throw a few quid a month to my employer if they would just let me pick something I’d enjoy driving for the 4-5 year lease period.

It would need to be of much higher specification than my current car. For example, in this day and age, for a man to have to have no iPod connectivity in his only vehicle is an outrage. I spend many hours each week in my company car and I have an unwavering love for music. My iPod holds the key to solving sadness, tiredness, boredom and a whole list of varying emotional and metaphysical states.

Editor’s note: Holy, moly, holy. I’m gonna have to break in, here. That really is some kind of statement. I feel like grabbing ‘old of ‘ol Nathan Green and shaking him shouting ‘THE KEY IS INSIDE OF YOU, THE KEY IS INSIDE OF YOU!’ Then giving ‘im a great big hug. 

As you were…

I’d also like a 3-door, as I much prefer the styling to that of all 5-door hatchbacks. Even when I have a family, I will not buy a 5-door hatchback with my own hard earned cash. I’d rather jump out of the drivers seat every time someone needs to get in the back than own a 5 door- surely it’s preferable to face infrequent and minor physical inconveniences than a endure constant and major aesthetic malaise?

So, the catch. I do not own this car and I have no real say in when it is to be replaced or, most likely, what it will be replaced with. I think it’s going to take some real presentation skills to get the car changed prematurely but, hell, my employer took me on because I can confidently present the features and benefits of the solutions we provide to satisfy our customers’ needs and wants. I don’t recall any clauses in my contract of employment stating I am not allowed to use those skills to persuade the Company to satisfy my needs and wants by putting me in a new Long Termer.

Watch this space.

Before I end this piece I just want to say a huge thank you to every one of you who read, liked and shared my ‘VTEC: The Power of Dreams’ piece last week. Tim and I had a conversation a month or so ago regarding our goal of reaching 1000 views. I honestly thought it was going to take a while as we were ticking over at around 200 readers per piece. However, the VTEC piece has now been read by over 3000 people. Three thousand.

This massive increase, along with the positive remarks offered by almost every person who has read the piece, has really touched my heart. We write these pieces in our spare time and for no financial gain. Our only ‘revenue’ is your feedback and in that sense, I feel very wealthy right now.

I appreciate all of your help, you’ve all been amazing, however I have to give a special shout out to Hannah Geddes who shared the piece far and wide and to all the right people. At one point, thanks to her genius, Autoeclectic was attracting around 100 views every 20 minutes, over a whole evening. That’s 300 readers per hour. Hannah, Autoeclectic salute you and thank you kindly for your efforts. Thank you.

I hope you all enjoy the forthcoming pieces and continue to share them out for others to enjoy. You are helping us achieve our dreams and I can’t put into words how much that means to us.


Weekly Mileage- 460

Fuel Cost: £50

Repair cost: £0        

Repair costs (2014)- £849


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