It’s What Ron Dennis Would’ve Wanted.

The McLaren Position One looks great. iPhone’s are great. Why not join the two?

For reasons only known to science, someone, somewhere within McLaren has made an app that we can all download.

So, First things first, download the app. Once done and started up it kindly asks you to print a picture for the app to recognise.

With that done I tried it out. Holy Moly, Mother of Cheese, this is cool. I promptly took the clothes off of the million pound made up car  that wasn’t actually sat on top of my printer.

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By moving the phone closer you can peer at the parts of the car like they are actually there. I was impressed. See those little white circles? They give tech info on the car, like what kind of tyres it has and what the engine does and stuff.

Then I thought ‘What Scandalous Behaviour! I should put all of the cars clothes back on this instant!’ So I did:

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Then I was all like, ‘I should go on a walk and have the Position One celebrate all the things that Ron Dennis would want’.

First up was seeing a ten-year-old Renault Clio. Now, Renault have been doing Formula One on ol’ Ronny for some time, now. They power the Red Bull cars that keep making McLaren look a little on the bad side. So I placed the Position One on the Clio’s bonnet and declared it in the name of Ron Dennis. McLaren, One, ten-year-old Renault Clio, Nil.

ImageI then walked a little bit up the street and saw a badly parked Kia Carens. ‘I bet Ron doesn’t like a badly parked Kia Carens’, I thought. So I parked the McLaren position One on the back of the offending Kia. ‘Owned!’ I thought, as I quietly fist pumped the air in my imagination.

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Walking a bit further on I passed a Mercedes E63 AMG. ‘I’ll bet Ron hates Mercedes, now that they’re doing some Formula One on him’, I thought. ‘I know, I’ll get one over those buggers by putting a McLaren Position One on the bonnet.’

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Anyway, after all that faffing around sticking pieces of paper on peoples cars then running away, I thought I should go and get a coffee. I bet Ron Dennis likes coffee, so I made the McLaren Position One naked in the coffee shop.

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The coffee was really great. After that I thought I should go and declare a book in the name of Ron Dennis. Popping next door to the local library, what should present itself, but a fresh copy of  No Angel: The Secret Life Of Bernie Ecclestone by Tom Bower. ‘The McLaren Position One should bloody-well drive all over this’, I thought. So it bloody-well did.

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Next I wondered what Ron Dennis would like to eat. I realised almost instantly that what he probably doesn’t like is noodles. ‘I bet he hates those little errant strings of Chinese egg based products’, I successfully thought to myself. Gathering all of my by-proxy hate I marched into the local Co-op and prompty drove the Position One all over some reasonably priced dried noodles.

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Doing this, I felt my work was almost done, but then I remembered that living near the world’s first suspension bridge constructed by a bloke in the 19th century and hailed by nationalists the country over as something we should all feel proud of was something Ron Dennis would probably like. Braving the windy conditions I made the McLaren Position One’s presence not felt on this engineering classic.

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I felt restless, though. How can I truly honour Ron’s achievements and push for the perfection he would want? ‘I know’, I thought. ‘I’ll get a massive shot of the whole bridge, it’s what Ron Dennis would want.’

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I felt like my work was done, and began the long walk home, when I suddenly spotted a Porsche. ‘Those buggers are going to make a mid-engined MP4 rival soon’, I thought. ‘I’d better get some ownage in before it’s too late.’

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Now my work is surely complete. It is what Ron dennis would have wanted.

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