Non-Avensis

‘Stephen!’
‘James.’


‘Hullo Margaret, mmwa.’
‘Susan… How was the trip?’
‘Oh, was fi’..
‘T’was okay, bit of traffic ‘round Birmingham.’
‘Yes, I had heard that there were a few problem areas on the radio this morning.’


‘I dunno, local bloody council is always digging up the road for something. No wonder the economy is suffering so much, nobody can get anywhere’…(Chortles to himself then thrusts his hands into his pockets and begins jangling some loose change around)
(The wives’ sing-song chatter fades as they walk inside)
‘Did you need to stop?’
‘Oh yes. We stopped at Shaftscombe services. Bloody expensive place. Captive audience. No choice. All there was, was over-priced sandwiches, a bloody Costa coffee and a McDonalds, ‘course, when I got to the front of the queue I couldn’t understand a word the girl was sayin’. Even saw some woman on a prayer mat or whatever the bloody things are. I’m not racist, but well, you know the rest. Can’t say anything these days, bloody thought police.’
(Grumbles agreement, thrusts hands into pockets and starts jangling loose change around)


‘I dunno, I suppose at least they’re working, but you come over here and you respect the local culture. We respect their laws when we go over there. I’d see the whole map painted pink again if I could.’
‘Do you know, I was just yesterday saying the same thing to Ian at the Golf club. You know, when Margaret and myself go to France, we take a phrase book with us.’
‘Heh, course when me and Susan went to Abu-Dhabi, they all spoke English anyway.’ (Laughs)
(Laughs)… ‘So how’s the new car?’


‘Yeah, yeah, well it’s all you need, isn’t it. Got air-con and sat-nav, it’s comfortable and quicker than you’ll ever need. Do you know the readout told me I was getting forty-eight miles-per-gallon on the way here?’
‘Wow, that’s quite impressive, especially with today’s fuel prices.’
‘Well, yes’…


‘Look’s like it might rain again. Shall we go inside?’
‘Good idea. I hope someone’s put the kettle on.’ (Winks)
‘No doubt Margaret has taken care, oh, I almost forgot. I bought a new washing machine the other day. Come in and have a look. It has a digital read-out that shows you how much power it’s saving.’
‘Goodness’…

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1 Comment

Filed under Review

One response to “Non-Avensis

  1. myotherlimb

    This made me smile. BIG.

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